An unexpected conversation

I want my kid to be honest with me. I want my kid to be able to share his innermost feelings with me. First, I must show him that mummy is not perfect, it is OK to admit that one is wrong, and adults can be wrong at times too. As we lay in bed with my precious toddler holding on to my hand, I explained to him how sorry I am and terrible I feel for having to raise my voice at him so frequently especially lately. I told him that mummy has never really been accustomed to kind or soft words when I was young, not that I can remember. It was always the rottan (wooden cane) that comes swooshing down on my skin every time I disobeyed orders. I told him that mummy is learning and asked for his forgiveness. All of a sudden, tears welled up in his eyes and he told me what felt odd and took me a long time to comprehend.

“Doctor cut and stitch brother and I out. Then I cry. Doctor stitched me out. I cry because no mummy. Mummy outside. Brother, Daddy and I at the hospital.”

I cannot quite wrap my head around those words but it surely sounded like I died and probably in a dream of his that just surfaced as he was drifting off to sleep.

“I was very sad. I am happy now because mummy is here.”

My heart broke. I held his tiny hand firmly and told him how much mummy loves him too and how happy I am whenever I am together with him.

Maybe this is his fear of losing mummy dear manifesting? Time to be a lot more generous with hugs, kisses and laughter <3